Hi, Monica de Montiableque!
I'm so glad you finally emailed me!
At first, I wasn't sure what P 3 n1SSSS 3N 7@rGm3 nt meant, but I figured it out. It's all about pleasing h3r, after all, isn't it? Did you go to a special school to learn how to make words out of numbers? 'Cause that's really cool. When I was in grade five, someone grabbed my calculator and entered: 28008 and then told me to look at it upside down. You know what was funny? I thought he meant 'do a headstand and look at these numbers'! Ha! That's funny. Because that's not what he meant. He meant 'turn this calculator around so that the number pad is facing away from you and see what it says'.
I did that, and do you know what it said? "BOOBS", that's what! Then he typed in 28008.618 and said "What does that say?" and I said "twenty-eight thousand and eight point six-one-eight!" And he said, "No, you idiot, it says "BIG BOOBS". That was the height of trying the social taboos in grade five.
Maybe next time, you should send out a bunch of emails with "28008.618" in the subject field and then tell all your readers to look at it upside down. Maybe you'll be able to sell more '3N7@r9m3nT cr34m' then! But make sure you tell them that 'look at it upside down' doesn't mean to stand on their heads or to hang upside down from the shower rod or closet rod - that could be dangerous! You'll have to tell them that it means to turn their computer upside down.
That's an old Internet trick; did you know that? Back in the 80s and 90s when bad newswriters were calling it the "Information Superhighway", there was this thing where if your cursor wasn't blinking, you were supposed to turn your computer upside down until it started again - but here's the joke! You just have to change the display settings to make the cursor never blink! HA! Isn't that funny?
Anyway Monica, tell me more about this penis enlargement thing! It's pretty incredible, because you promised me nine inches, and...here's a secret Monica...I don't even HAVE a penis! Is this like a detachible penis deal? Maybe something I could use one weekends, like those yuppies who have houses they live in only on weekends because during the week they live in condos in the city? That's kind of like a detachible penis, except it's a whole house. A really expensive house. If I had a detachible penis that I could sell on the open market for half a million dollars, I'd do it in a second.
I also want more information about this "stay hard (for her!) all night long!" claim that you make in your email. Don't you think that's a little sex-centric? How do you know I haven't 'gone gay' in the last few weeks since I got your last email? What if I had a nine-inch detachible penis, but I only wanted it to stay hard all night for him? How come all of your advertisement emails just assume your audience is heterosexual? Monica, this is the 21st century. Girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls who do girls like they're boys. Always should be someone you really love, I guess.
Which brings me to something I've been thinking of for a while. It doesn't really have much to do with your email, Monica, but I've been thinking about it: The last couple of weeks, I've been very, very pleased to see couples holding hands in the park, and when they walk through the mall. Specifically, I'm very pleased to see gay couples doing so. That makes me very happy.
Anyway, I've probably taken up far too much of your time. You must be very busy, trying to figure out what numbers and symbols you can use for letters in all your emails! You're very good at 733k sp33k. I know it's supposed to be '733t'. I think 733k is funnier, though. Better yet, 73ak. Heh.
Okay, gotta let you go.
One more thing, though - d'you think you could send some of those enh@ncement emails to my EmPee? I'm kind of sick of him acting like he's trying to make up for ...certain shortcomings.
Thanks!
cenobyte
I'm so glad you finally emailed me!
At first, I wasn't sure what P 3 n1SSSS 3N 7@rGm3 nt meant, but I figured it out. It's all about pleasing h3r, after all, isn't it? Did you go to a special school to learn how to make words out of numbers? 'Cause that's really cool. When I was in grade five, someone grabbed my calculator and entered: 28008 and then told me to look at it upside down. You know what was funny? I thought he meant 'do a headstand and look at these numbers'! Ha! That's funny. Because that's not what he meant. He meant 'turn this calculator around so that the number pad is facing away from you and see what it says'.
I did that, and do you know what it said? "BOOBS", that's what! Then he typed in 28008.618 and said "What does that say?" and I said "twenty-eight thousand and eight point six-one-eight!" And he said, "No, you idiot, it says "BIG BOOBS". That was the height of trying the social taboos in grade five.
Maybe next time, you should send out a bunch of emails with "28008.618" in the subject field and then tell all your readers to look at it upside down. Maybe you'll be able to sell more '3N7@r9m3nT cr34m' then! But make sure you tell them that 'look at it upside down' doesn't mean to stand on their heads or to hang upside down from the shower rod or closet rod - that could be dangerous! You'll have to tell them that it means to turn their computer upside down.
That's an old Internet trick; did you know that? Back in the 80s and 90s when bad newswriters were calling it the "Information Superhighway", there was this thing where if your cursor wasn't blinking, you were supposed to turn your computer upside down until it started again - but here's the joke! You just have to change the display settings to make the cursor never blink! HA! Isn't that funny?
Anyway Monica, tell me more about this penis enlargement thing! It's pretty incredible, because you promised me nine inches, and...here's a secret Monica...I don't even HAVE a penis! Is this like a detachible penis deal? Maybe something I could use one weekends, like those yuppies who have houses they live in only on weekends because during the week they live in condos in the city? That's kind of like a detachible penis, except it's a whole house. A really expensive house. If I had a detachible penis that I could sell on the open market for half a million dollars, I'd do it in a second.
I also want more information about this "stay hard (for her!) all night long!" claim that you make in your email. Don't you think that's a little sex-centric? How do you know I haven't 'gone gay' in the last few weeks since I got your last email? What if I had a nine-inch detachible penis, but I only wanted it to stay hard all night for him? How come all of your advertisement emails just assume your audience is heterosexual? Monica, this is the 21st century. Girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls who do girls like they're boys. Always should be someone you really love, I guess.
Which brings me to something I've been thinking of for a while. It doesn't really have much to do with your email, Monica, but I've been thinking about it: The last couple of weeks, I've been very, very pleased to see couples holding hands in the park, and when they walk through the mall. Specifically, I'm very pleased to see gay couples doing so. That makes me very happy.
Anyway, I've probably taken up far too much of your time. You must be very busy, trying to figure out what numbers and symbols you can use for letters in all your emails! You're very good at 733k sp33k. I know it's supposed to be '733t'. I think 733k is funnier, though. Better yet, 73ak. Heh.
Okay, gotta let you go.
One more thing, though - d'you think you could send some of those enh@ncement emails to my EmPee? I'm kind of sick of him acting like he's trying to make up for ...certain shortcomings.
Thanks!
cenobyte
Labels: letters
3 Comments:
Your best response to people who mix letters and numbers and try to pretend they are words is often an AK47. Or, you could choose an M4 if you are in a less continental mood. 'Nuff said.
C.
"Girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they're girls who do girls like they're boys. Always should be someone you really love, I guess"
You had me just absolutely roaring with laughter during this post. Awewome and I particuarly like the above quote. It fits so nicely.
And now, I have "He was trying to charge $22 for it, but I got him down to $17" and "detachable peeeeniiiiis" going through my head, and likely will through my midterm. Excellent.
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