centre of the universe - the dreaming

Just about [dinner time on the 24th], [Mary's] contractions would have started in ernest. "Joey," she might have said, "I have to get off this blody donkey."


They sugar-coat it in the Gospels, but Mary was actually pretty testy. There wasn't any "and it came time for Mary to be delivered"; it was all "get me the eff of this effing donkey before I stab you in the eye with my cloak pin!" and Joseph was all, "But Maaaary...they said they have no vacancies." And Mary was all, "...I swear to God, Joey, if you don't get me down off this beast, YOU can bear His firstborn."

...and so then Mary says, "HHHHNNNNNGGGGNNNNN". And Joseph wrings his hands a bunch. Because no matter what you might have read, women do have pain during childbirth (thanks for THAT one, Eve). And then Mary's all, "I can't do this anymore." And Joseph is all, "Oooh! I remember this from our prenatal class!" And Mary's all, "Screw you, Joe." And Joseph is all, "I wish."

After all the pushing and the gushing, Joseph ties the kid up in strips he tore off his dress. Mary says, "Give. Me. That.", and she yanks Baby God away and leans back in the straw with him. "So, um, that was pretty cool, hey?" Joseph says, glancing at the door. "What?" Mary asks, nearly asleep. "Well, it's just that......I invited some of the guys over..." The bible doesn't tell you about The Look she shot at him then.

"You twat," Mary growled under her breath. "First you drag me halfway across the Delta because YOUR FATHER happens to be of the CLAN OF DAVID and you have to pay TAXES here, when I'm pregnant an in labour, and now...and NOW..." her voice has risen to a screech, "you want me to ENTERTAIN YOUR BUDDIES!!??"

"Wull," Joseph says, glancing at the door. 

"IN A BARN!!??" she shouts.

"Look," Joseph clenches his teeth and growls back. "I agreed to marry you when nothing bigger than a blood clot had travelled through your...well. I agreed to marry you. Then some guy on fire descends out of the sky and tells me you're knocked up with the Messiah, and I'm supposed to be all, 'oooh, Huzzah!', which is FINE, but when I invite a few of the guys over afterward, the least you can do is try to understand."

"FINE." Mary glares at him.

"Fine." Joseph glares back. 

"Dudes?" someone asks from outside the barn. "Is this a bad time? We saw this big, flashing light, and we were all, like, freaked out, man..."

Mary sighs. "Let the idiots in," she says. "Some day, I'm sure the baby will bless them for being idiots."


Later, when the little kid with the drum finally quit playing, Mary just wanted to sleep, what with the childbirthing and the shepherds, and she was all, "Joey, how much longer are they going to stay? I'm exhausted." And Joseph was all, "I think that drummer kid is just about done. One of the shepherds is giving him some lamb chops to shut him up." And this is how Christmas Day *really* ended.

Labels: Christmas, religion, true story

That was a bit of a joke, there, in the title. For church nerds.

The Roman Catholic church has made an overture and invitation to 'conservative' Anglicans (read: the more 'orthodox' Anglo-Catholics) to join the Roman Catholic church. Those people who have serious concerns about the Anglican Church's position to ordain women as priests and bishops, to ordain homosexuals as priests and bishops, and to accept (and in some cases, to bless) "same-sex unions".

The Anglican Church's official position on this is that the Anglican Church "approves" of the move. Individual Anglicans have always been "allowed" to convert to Roman Catholicism...but this is a welcoming of all kinds of stuff, except homosexuals, homosexual unions, and the ordination as priests and bishops of women. What I find interesting is that the RC Church is agreeing to ordain Anglican priests as RC priests, even if they're married. I find *that* interesting. Very interesting.

The Eastern Rite churches still in full communion with Rome have married priests...priestly celibacy is an ongoing discussion in the RC church (spurred on, I suspect, by the fact that fewer and fewer people want to be priests if it means they must be celibate and/or cannot get married). I guess I'm a little peevish because the RC church is offering to "ordain Anglican ministers". That pisses me off, actually. The Anglican church has Apostolic Succession, which means that Anglican priests and bishops are ordained by bishops and archbishops who have been ordained by a succession of bishops who can trace their apostolic lineage right back to the original apostles. So first of all, according to ME, there is no NEED to do so.

Of course, the RC church doesn't recognise the Anglican church as being in any sort of communion, since the splitting of the factions, first in the eleventh century, then in the seventeenth century when Old Hank got pissy with the Pope in Rome. Sure, Anglicans don't believe that the Archbishop of Canterbury (the canonical leader of the Anglican church) has a red phone line to God, but there are differences that run a lot deeper.

I think it's wonderful that the Roman Catholic church is making this overture, for those people who feel their very souls are in danger because of the Anglican Church's willingness (and eagerness, in some cases) to ordain women as priests and bishops, and to ordain gay folk as priests and bishops, and, in some cases, to bless "same-sex unions".

Ultimately, who benefits from this invitation? Well, the Roman Catholic church gets more priests. Disaffected Anglicans who demand less tolerance and more divisiveness, I guess.

Look, I have no problem with Anglicans wanting to move over to a more conservative form of worship. I'm firmly ensconced in the "High Church" on the more 'orthodox' side of the Anglican couch myself. What bothers me about this move is that it seems like the nasty old uncle with pockets full of pre-licked hard candies covered in cat hair and bits of fluff opening up the door to his musty old bachelor suite for his much younger nieces and nephews. Not in a kind of cool way like in The Magician's Nephew, either. This old codger gets his nieces and nephews in the house, tells them to sit nicely on the ancient settee, and then proceeds to get the nephews to fix up all the baseboards and wiring that's gone wonky, while the nieces prepare to remain in a perpetual state either of virginity or of pregnancy. There's a certain patronising patting of the head done on the part of the old Uncle that really picks my panties.

Regardless of what you think of religion in general, or of Christianity in general, this is an interesting move, politically speaking.

Labels: Bad Mojo, Politics, religion

Okay, I've missed something.

Today on the talk radio station, there was some ...uh... talk of "what would you say if Atheists bought advertising on billboards?"

I can only assume this has something to do with the now fairly-old news story about Atheists purchasing advertising space on city buses in the UK. Of course, Christians (and, I would suppose, Jews and Muslims and Hindus and any other religious group that believes in the existence of imaginary super-beings) got up in arms about the thing. Christians are always the most vociferous about this sort of thing in Western countries. And, unfortunately, if a Muslim says anything about anything in this environment, s/he is immediately branded as a terrorist or a hate-mongerer or worse. So let's just deal with the Christians.

As could be expected, the Roman Catholic church is pretty peevish about the idea that adverts on public transit might make people question their own Faith and belief systems; their own value systems, perhaps...maybe even so far as the bases for their understanding of morality. The Roman Catholic church and other Christian organisations have, of course, banded together to try to get these adverts removed. The point I want to make now is that the Commandment is "Thou shalt have no other Gods before Me", and not "Thou shalt not not have any God at all". Semantics are important.

IT's becoming an issue in Canada, I guess, because there are Central Canadians who are Very Concerned now that the campaign has come to Toronto. Folks in Ottawa are trying to have the adverts banned before they even get there. I should say off the bat that "Freedom OF Religion" is a Constitutionally-protected right. Freedom FROM Religion is not. That's an extremely important teeny little pronoun preposition. And it's a pronoun that needs to be included in our Constitution. Canadians should have the constitutionally-protected right to worship in whatever way they see fit, provided their worship does more good than harm. Canadians should also have the constitutionally-protected right to choose not to worship anything at all. Currently, we do not have that right.

Now, I also want to say something else.

Where are the Roman Catholic and other denominational protestors when there are adverts on buses that show women in various (degrading and/or offensive) stages of undress, promoting fornication and covetousness of neighbours' asses all over the place? Where are the Christians asking that all images of Jesus (and Mary, and anybody else with a fricken' halo-head) be removed from all billboards, bus ads, leaflets, greeting cards, dashboard buddies, lawn ornaments, keychains, shirts, bumper stickers, underpants, crucifixes, lunch boxes, running shoes, etc., etc., etc.,? Where are all the Christians refusing to go shopping on the Sabbath? Refusing to work and refusing to eat at restaurants? Any takers on that one? And let's just see how many Christians are willing to stand up and say "no, please don't show any advertising at all, not on my television, not on my buses, not in my newspaper, and certainly not on my radio, because advertising promotes covetousness. It makes you want those things you do not have. And if we only take as much as we need; if we only take *enough*, then there is more than enough for everyone in the world three times over." Where are those Christians?

You should be *pleased* that there are challenges to the way you worship and what you choose to believe. Because when people make *informed* choices, they tend to make life-long choices. Brainwashing Inundating children with your own particular brand of crazy only lasts as long as your children continue to use you as their primary and only source of information (and believe you me, the thought of my children being old enough to not ask me first kind of scares the shit out of me). If you teach them *why* you believe what you do, and let them make their own choices, you might be disappointed in the end, but you also might be pleasantly surprised. Regardless, if someone changes their opinion on their Faith based on an advert they see on a bus, chances are *really* good they weren't all that serious about it in the first place.

So lay off. Go and promote your (or our, for that matter) religious beliefs somewhere else. You have every right to kneel wherever you want (except in government buildings, unless you have special access privileges), whenever you want, and offer your supplications to whatever deity(/ies) you wish. That is your right. And while it is not yet a constitutionally-enshrined right for you or for your neighbour to choose not to bend a knee, you should, if you expect them to respect your Faith and your belief system, at least accept that they believe something different.

Your atheism isn't going to change my knowledge that God exists, and your disbelief (and, in some cases, open mockery) of my religious belief isn't going to change the way(s) in which I worship. Likewise, my belief in an invisible super-power isn't going to change your knowledge that there is no God. I'm okay with that. Spend all the money you want on bus ads. If my kids come to me and say "Mum, I saw on a bus today that God doesn't exist; WTF?", I will tell them, "Some people believe different things. I *know* God exists, and I know it is the truth. You have to find your own way to the truth. I'll help you if you'd like, and I'll try to help you without influencing your decision. But it has to be your decision."

Labels: atheism, bus ads, religion