centre of the universe - the dreaming

Actors (dead) edition:

And, see, this is the thing. Actors bring me a small amount of joy, for the imaginings they bring to roles I'd envisionated.

1. Jim Henson
   
2. James Dean
   
3. Marlene Dietrich
   
4. Humphrey Bogart
   
5. John Belushi

Labels: 365 Days of Grace

So.
People have made the stupidest movies ever.
Seriously.
A skating monkey?
Really?
Okay, well, technically, a skating chimpanzee.
More to the point, a *hockey playing* chimpanzee.

Also, tonight is the Providence game.

That is all.

1. Pluperfect, both the tense, and the word, which sounds like a particularly ripe fruit with sweet and juicy indigo flesh.

2. The Elusive Semicolon; often, we forget about this powerful object; frequently, we use him incorrectly.

3. Particularly clever adjectival phrases. That was an example of a dependent adverbial clause.

4. Conjunctive Adverbs. A little known fact is that the disease known as 'pinkeye' (or, conjunctivitis) is actually caused by that squinty thing that happens when one experiences boring old "ending in -ly" adverbs too much.

5. Tiny little parts of speech. Articles like "a", "an", and "the"; Pronouns like "it".

Labels: 365 Days of Grace

Actors (living) Edition:

1. My boyfriend, Johnny Depp. Or, as he likes me to call him, J. Or sometimes J.D., if we're being silly. Johnny doesn't mind that I have other boyfriends, because none of them is as famous as he is.

2. I've already mentioned Patrick Warburton, so let's go with my other boyfriend Hugh Jackman. It's a thing we have. He doesn't tell his wife about me; I don't let anyone take photographs of us together. It's a pretty slick system.

3. Steve Carrell.

4. My on-again-off-again boyfriend Gary Oldman. Gary's sensitive. He doesn't like it when you say things like "Gary Oldman! Don't you ever do your own laundry!??" We work through it.

5. Forrest Whitaker.


Visit Grace in Small Things

Labels: 365 Days of Grace, actors

I don't study a whole lot of Buddhism, or Taoism, although I am familiar enough with both to feel perfectly comfortable to insist I admire some of the practices both forms of spiritual enlightenment provide. In fact, a long time ago, a Very Wise Man told me, during a particularly difficult time in my life, that one of the teachings of Taoism is to learn to bend like the reed in the river, *with* the current, but to be unchanged *by* the current (compared to the rock in the river, which is gradually worn away to nothing). That Very Wise Man also told me, that like the scene in The Tao of Pooh, I was looking through the entire forest for a particular pinecone, without realising the pinecone I'd been looking for was right beside me. "You're looking too hard," he told me. "Just be."

These are things I have taken (and I feel a bit guilty about having taken them, even though they were freely offered) and they have made me, if not a better person, then certainly a better lover, a better wife, a better mother. That particular man told me that sometimes, you need to just let what needs to happen, happen. In retrospect, what I learned from his teaching is a skill at that time, I did not have. It was the ability to let go. The ability to recognise that everything happens in the manner in which it is supposed to happen, and there is no sense losing sleep over it.

Particularly if it's something that happened in the past.

So when my computer stopped being able to boot last week, and wouldn't show any image at all on the monitor, I thought I must have acquired some kind of nasti virus, and so I tried using the restore program the computer folk had installed. When I purchased the computer, the fellows told me that you had to be very careful with the restoration programme, because it could reformat your drive. If you knew what you were doing, though, you could restore just only your OS and settings and leave your data alone. Eventually, I came to the realisation that in fact, I had to take my computer to the fixit place.

They did a "full restore" on my primary hard drive.

I lost all of my writing
I lost all photos and videos of our children from about November 2007 to Christmas 2008
I lost all of my email, including addressbooks
I lost all of my children's writing
I lost all of the game stuff I have been working on for the past year
Also, because my system was still covered under warranty, we lost all of this "fer free".

But here's the deal. In fact, I have much of my writing saved externally. Sure, I lost some of it, but the thing about writing is that you can always make more. And sometimes, starting fresh on something really embetters it in the long run. We have all of the photos and videos of our children from BEFORE December 2007, and much of it on disc, and a bunch of the 2008 photos in print. Most of what I had saved in email probably wasn't really integral for me to have saved...

My children will continue to write witty, brilliant things, and we have a hard copy of The Captain's novel study that he wrote for Harry Potter & the Philosopher's Stone.

The really *important* game stuff is saved externally. I lost the program I use to edit it, but I'm sure I can figure something out.

So, really, when I look at this thing, it's kind of annoying that things happened in the manner they did. But that being said, it's certainly not like my house burned down or my cat peed on dinner or anything. Little jerk. Anyway, it's one of those things where you realise that if you spend too much time fretting over something you can't change, or over something that really doesn't change your life in any really momentous way, you're going to waste a big chunk of your time on a whole lot of nothing.

I've decided it's not worth my time nor my effort (which is pretty dear, these days) in upsettitude.

Labels: Button Theory, computers, taoism

You may have heard this before: that skating is kind of like a controlled fall. There's some very long and involved explanation for this that Discovery Jones could give you about the science behind the controlled fall that is your basic skating cadence. Something-something point of rotation, something-something kinetic energy, something-something acceleration, gravity something-something. Anyway, it's pretty interesting and next time Discovery is at one of your house parties, you should ask him about it.

If you're not inclined to believe this, you should come watch one of The Captain's hockey games. There is a young lad on his team whose skating style would convince you. He's a very good player, and it's wonderful to watch him skate; he puts his head down and just goes. But it's always kind of amazing that he stays on his feet. It's as if this kid and gravity met each other once at a beach party, where there was an unfortunate incident with sand and ice cream sandwiches, and now their relationship can be described as tenuous as best and adversarial the rest of the time.

In fact, if you're a science guy, you should watch hockey. There're all kinds of interesting things going on, from reduced coefficients of friction depending on how fast you skate and how sharp your blades are, to fluid dynamics (when you skate, or even when the puck travels across the ice, there is a thin layer of water doing carazzzy things down there), to particle motion, and light/wave motion (particularly with the angles of incidence and angles of refraction and the way sound waves act in different parts of the arena). On top of that, you have aerodynamics, thermodynamics, um, and aromadynamics.

Add to that the whole field of the psychology of comptetition and sport, and you could spend the whole day just geeking out at the rink.

Or, you could just sit in the stands with some very cool people and holler random encouragements at the amazing kids on the ice who make the NHL look like the entertainment equivalent of judge shows (to anyone but me).

Labels: hockey, science

1. Canoes

2. Blade Runner

3. Hats with ears

4. The photograph of Yours Truly in the paper in grade three, when Yours Truly won a tee-shirt slogan contest for the public library. I have no idea what the slogan was.

5. Patrick Warburton


Visit Grace in Small Things

Labels: 365 Days of Grace

1. Singing to the bubbies at night - they think I'm the greatest singer in the world.

2. Mashed potatoes

3. The sparkle of snow in the sun.

4. Memories of Nama.

5. Old photographs


Visit Grace in Small Things

Labels: 365 Days of Grace

You know I love you. Right?

Right.

Well, I'm terribly sorry about that Really Long Time with no words.

I'm also somewhat intrigued that advertisements that target young, successful young women tend to put them either in 'power suits' and board rooms (filled with men) or in a home full of children, while adverts targeted at successful young men have them driving their motorcyles or truks. Or possibly sexing things up at the local club with some floozy. I see this in shampoo commercials. Weird.

My favourite advert is the one for the Subaru Forester where a half dozen sumo wrestlers get all sexy washing the thing. It makes me happy *every time I see it*.

Labels: advertisements

I saw your effbook status, and had to post this for you. I do hope you *literally* skated to school.

Action that can happen at any time.

To work to play to dance to watch
travailler jouer dancer obeserver

pfleh

With strains of Queen emanating from The Captain's bedroom (he's kinda stuck on "We Are the Champions"...actually, so is his brother. Sigh.), I write this. My insides are terribly sore, and that's not a Good Sign, I don't think. It's time for me to take some kind of break. I think I've been doing too much.

So, to that end, cenobyte is willing to accept any and all offers of free flights to Jamaica, provided there is room for at least two people.

to dream, perchance to dream

Labels: sicky mcsickerton

So...the make-up sex is *awesome*.

Labels: make-up sex

Right.
I wish to say "you cock" to the following people:
Sister Patrick, Smarty Pants, The Iron Troll, His Nibs, Chops, Rilla, Schmutzie Pickles, Binary Kitten, Brielle, Melistress, Drang, Ferlak, Gaijin Quinn, Gayleen, The Rook, Jenn, Sacha, Tristan, Mike, Mike, Mike, Michael, and Mike, Scott, Scott, Scott, Adam, Blake, The Captain, The Nipper, Da, Aunts and Uncles, Crazy Lady, Jenn, Jen, Jen, Jennee, Jen, and Jennifer, Dave, David, Dave, David, Terry and Terry, Bne, TUO, R:taG, Jason, Jason, Jay, Jayson, James, James, Jim, John, Johnathan, John, Jon, Dan, Dan, Daniel, Dan, Tara, Ms. Pants and the Pantaloons, Wendy, Lynn, Thomas, Tom-Ass, Malcolm, Siochan, Snoozy, That Guy Getting Out of his Truck Right Now, Cara, Aelius, Big Troy, Neuba, Rasta Chad, Enthymeme, Viper Pilot, Kate, Tycho, Steve, Stephen, Kovbasa, Ms. Leopard Print, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Parmeisan, Mr. Smart, Vin, Vince, Bill, Bill, William, Noah, B-), Laurie, Laurissa, Laura, Em, Lasch, Brenda, Brenda, Jackie, Jacky, Jacqueline, Alan, Allan, Aiden, Aidan, Matt, Matthew, Mat, Mark, Mark, Marc, Mark, Janice, Janice, Darren, Darren, Der Kaptin, Eric, Erik, Eric, Ayla, Ayla, Shyla, Jeremy, Sean, Sean, Shaun, Shawn, Keith, Adrienne, Deb, Deborah, Deb, Carrie, Kerry, Cari, Cathy, Kathy, Anne-Marie, Rob, Robert, Rob, Robby, Rich, Richard, Richard, Don, Don, Cory, Cory, Mitch, Tracy, Shelagh, Chris, Chris, Kris, Kris, Chris, Deon, Woz, Wade, Brock, Casey, Amy, Todd, Todd, Simon, Paul, Paul, Paul, Trent, Trent, Kyle, Kyle, Kylee, Karen, Daryl, Darrell, Darcy, Tina, Mary, Dennis, Dennis, Kevin, Jeff, Jef, Jeffery, Walter, Michelle, Michelle, Liza, Rachel, Melba, Layne, Heather, Seamus, Trev, Joe, Joey, Andrew, Andrew, Drew, Ed, Edward, Bonnie, Erin, Aaron, Keir, The Ms. S, Ian, Iain, Ian, Ian, Yan, Jan, Calvin, Duncan, Duncan, Larry, Larry, and everyone else I may have forgotten to mention, who has made a difference in my life. And who continues to make a difference in my life.

I suck at ExMass cards (I have one on the dishwasher for Rilla, actually...I think I might wait for Easter), I staunchly despise mid-February, and I suck at phoning on a regular basis. But here's the deal: you guys are awesome and I care about you a great deal. I won't go so far as to say "I love you, mang", because that would somehow diminish the impact of that particular statement when we're drunk.

But you know it's true. I do love you, mang.

Damn it. Now I have to come up with some *other* drunken expression of lurve.

In honouring the worst day of the goddamned year, let me just say that this coming Saturday pisses me off simply because it exists.

If you can't tell people how much they matter to you *every single day*, you don't deserve to have friends.

Stick *that* in your craw and choke on it.

Labels: piss in your eye

This is the thing.
I really haven't anything polite to say.
So, I choose to say nothing at all.

Except this: it concerns me less that you don't understand me, and concerns me more that you seem to be acting as if you're expecting me to change because you don't like the way I do things. Both are upsetting, but it's the second that will result in the most painful scenario.

In the bathtub, as The Nipper splashed around with me, he looked at my thumb, which sported an angry red hangnail.

"Mama!" he gasped. "What's that?"

"Ah, it's an ouch I have."

"I know how to fix that!" He exclaimed.

"Do you?"

"I do."

"Are you going to put a kiss on it to make it better?" I asked, holding out my thumb.

"Well," he hemmed and hawed, "I *could*. But I know a better way."

"You're not going to advocate the chopping off of thumbs, are you?"

"No, silly," he rolled his eyes. "I'm going to fantabulate it."

"Ah." I said. "I see. Um. I'm not sure I've ever heard of fantabulation."

"Oh, well, I will explain it to you." Keep in mind, The Nipper is four. "First, I will place a kiss on your ouch. It will travel forward, into the future, and then when the ouch catches up with it, it will stop hurting. That is how fantabulation works."

"I see. Well, let's try it out!"

Damned if that fantabulation didn't make my *entire hangnail* go away.

The next night, I asked him how his day went. We always try to do a 'what was the worst part/what was the best part of your day' discussion before bed. He told me that the worst part of his day was when he'd fallen down at hockey (again) and smacked his face (again) on the armrest of a seat (again).

"Well. Now that I know about Fantabulation," I said, "I can make it better, right?"

"Oh, well, you know, this is different. Because this ouch is *much* worse. You'll have to Fantabulate four times, because by the time the first kiss travels into the future, the last kiss will have caught up and made the ouch go away sooner."

"I see. Do you think that if I Fantabulate four times right now, that your ouch will be better by morning?"

He thought about that for a while. In fact, he was very deep in thought over that for a while. Then he pointed his little finger in the air and pontificated. "Yes. I believe this kind of Super Fantabulation will work."

So, I gave him four kisses on his ouch, and a couple of extra ones for good measure. "Good night," I said. "Sweet dreams. I love you. See you in the morning."

"Mama?" he asked. "Don't you want to know about the best part of my day?"

"Oh goodness. Of course I do!"

"Well, the best part of my day," he said, staring at me with smiles in his big brown eyes with the impossibly long lashes, "was when you came home just now and tucked me in. I love you, Mama."

Labels: Fantabulation, kids

I completely ripped this off from Hill Strategies Research. I ripped it off in its entirety and without permission because it's super important (and it was distributed and is available publicly on their website). What I want you to take note of is the fact that one in thirty people in Canada is a cultural worker. That's a lot of people. That's a lot of people generating a lot of money for our economy. A lot of people who aren't being paid well, and who work harder and longer than most any other profession. I need you to understand how important it is to value arts and culture. Too many people think nothing about arts and culture, or, worse yet, they dismiss it as 'not important'. They are wrong. And my suggestion for how to understand this is to live without arts and culture in your life: no music, no television, no movies, no graphic user interface. No tee shirt slogans, no architectural differences, no sports, no dance, no pornography (you know who you are). No newspaper, no internet (which was designed for military and scientific purposes, but which was taken over, more or less, by college students and people with big ideas, big dreams, and strong artistic/cultural motivations), no written history, no stories, no books, no cool pirate calendars that your co-worker brought you from England. No games, no rhymes, no rhythm, no cakes. Think about that for a while.

A Statistical Profile of Artists in Canada Based on the 2006 Census, the 26th report in the Statistical Insights on the Arts series from Hill Strategies Research, shows that there are 140,000 artists in Canada who spent more time at their art than at any other occupation in May 2006. Artists include actors, choreographers, craftspeople, composers, conductors, dancers, directors, musicians, producers, singers and visual artists.

The number of artists is slightly larger than the number of Canadians directly employed in the automotive industry (135,000).

The report also notes that the broader cultural sector has about 609,000 workers and comprises 3.3% of the overall labour force in Canada. One in every 30 people in Canada has a cultural occupation.This is about double the level of employment in the forestry sector in Canada (300,000) and more than double the level of employment in Canadian banks (257,000).

The report highlights 10 key facts about artists in Canada:

1. The average earnings of artists are very low.

• The average earnings of artists are $22,700, compared with an average of $36,300 for all Canadian workers.
• The gap between artists' average earnings and overall labour force earnings is 37%.
• To bridge the earnings gap and bring the average earnings of artists up to the same level as the overall labour force would require an additional $1.9 billion in earnings for artists.
• The average earnings of artists are only 9% higher than Statistics Canada's low-income cutoff for a single person living in a community of 500,000 people or more ($20,800).
• 62% of artists earn less than $20,000, compared with 41% of the overall labour force.
• Six of the nine arts occupations have average earnings that are less than Statistics Canada's low-income cutoff for a single person living in a community of 500,000 people or more ($20,800).

2. A typical artist in Canada earns less than half the typical earnings of all Canadian workers.

Note: The median is a measure of the earnings of a "typical" worker in various occupations. Half of individuals have earnings that are less than the median value, while the other half has earnings greater than the median.

• For artists, median earnings are only $12,900.
• A typical artist in Canada earns less than half the typical earnings of all Canadian workers (median earnings of $26,900).
• A typical artist, on their own, lives in a situation of extreme low income: the median earnings of artists are 38% below the low-income cutoff for larger urban areas ($20,800).
• In six arts occupations, median earnings are less than or about equal to $10,000. This means that a typical actor, artisan, dancer, musician or singer, other performer or visual artist earns only about $10,000 or less.

3. Artists' earnings decreased, even before the current recession.

• Between 1990 and 2005, the average earnings of artists decreased by 11% (after adjusting for inflation).
• In the overall labour force, average earnings grew by 9% during the same timeframe (after adjusting for inflation).
• The 11% decrease in the average earnings of artists between 1990 and 2005 is due to a 14% decrease between 2000 and 2005, after adjusting for inflation. Even without an inflation adjustment, artists' average earnings decreased by 3% between 2000 and 2005.
• All nine arts occupations saw substantial decreases in average earnings between 2000 and 2005, which contributed to a decrease for all nine occupations over the longer timeframe (1990 to 2005).
• The earnings gap between artists and the overall labour force increased from 23% in 1990 to 37% in 2005.

4. There are more female than male artists, yet women artists earn much less than men.

• The 74,000 female artists represent 53% of artists. In the overall labour force, 48% of workers are women.
• On average, female artists earn $19,200, 28% less than the average earnings of male artists ($26,700).

5. Aboriginal and visible minority artists have particularly low earnings.

• Aboriginal artists have particularly low average earnings ($15,900), a 39% gap when compared with all Aboriginal workers in the Canadian labour force. The average earnings of Aboriginal artists are 30% lower than the average for all artists.
• With average earnings of $18,800, visible minority artists earn 38% less than the average earnings of all visible minority workers in Canada.

6. Economic returns to higher education are much lower for artists than for other workers.

• University-educated artists earn 38% more than artists with a high school education. In the overall labour force, those with a university education earn more than double the average earnings of those with a high school education.
• The percentage of artists with a bachelor's degree of higher (39%) is nearly double the rate in the overall labour force (21%).
• Artists with university credentials at or above the bachelor's level earn $26,800, which is 53% less than the average earnings of workers with the same education in the overall labour force ($57,500). In fact, the average earnings of university-educated artists ($26,800) are less than the average earnings of overall labour force workers with a high school diploma ($28,000).

7. Many artists are self-employed.

• At 42%, the percentage of artists who are self-employed is six times the self-employment rate in the overall labour force (7%).
• The average earnings of self-employed artists ($15,200) are 51% less than the average earnings of all self-employed workers in Canada ($31,000).

8. There are relatively few opportunities for full-time work in the arts.

• Nearly twice as many artists as other workers (42% vs. 22%) indicated that they worked part-time in 2005.
• Artists are employed for fewer weeks per year than other workers. In 2005, 68% of artists worked most of the year (40 to 52 weeks) compared with 77% of the overall labour force.

9. There has been substantial growth in the number of artists since 1971, but the rate of growth is decreasing.

• The number of artists in Canada grew much more quickly than the overall labour force between 1971 and 2006. There were three-and-a-half times as many artists in 2006 as in 1971. This is a much higher increase than the doubling of the overall labour force.
• The rate of growth in the number of artists has decreased during every period since 1971: 85% in the 1970s, 40% in the 1980s, 29% in the 1990s, and 7% in the shorter period of 2001 to 2006.
• The number of artists grew by much more than the overall labour force between 1971 and 2001 but less than the overall labour force between 2001 and 2006.

10. Artists, as a group, are becoming more diverse, older and better educated.

• Artists from visible minority groups more than doubled in number between 1991 and 2006 (123% growth).
• Artists 45 or older more than doubled in number between 1991 and 2006 (121% growth).
• There were 90% more artists with a university certificate, diploma or degree in 2006 than in 1991.
• There were 61% more artists with a college certificate or diploma in 2006 than in 1991.
• In comparison, there were 38% more artists and 22% more workers in the overall labour force in 2006 than in 1991.

Methodological notes

Individuals are classified in the occupation in which they worked the most hours between May 7 and 13, 2006 (the census reference week).

The earnings statistics include an individual's wages and salaries as well as net self-employment income. Other income sources, such as income from government programs, pensions or investments, are excluded from the earnings statistics. The earnings statistics include amounts received from all employment and self-employment positions in 2005, not just the position at which the respondent worked the most hours during the census reference week.

For more information

The full report is available free of charge on the Hill Strategies Research website (http://www.hillstrategies.com) and the websites of the funding organizations.

Labels: the importance of arts and culture

I always wished i had a dancer's body.

Long and lithe, supple and hardened...rippling muscles, and a grace I could never muster on my own.

I took ballet when I was fairly young, but I never did get a dancer's body.

I wouldn't know where to stash it anyway, so it's probably all for the best.

Labels: bodies, Wishes

It wasn't until I'd sat down in the car that I realised why the woman at the store had been avoiding eye contact like the plague.

These were the products I purchased:

liquid skin
massage oil
flavoured K-Y
candles
6 250-mL bottles of water
handheld vibrating 'massager'
bandaids
A5-35 Hot Patches
Tiger Balm (white hot)
Hard Wax Home Brazilian kit
Epsom Salts
Dark Chocolate
cigarettes*

Note: I was at the drugstore, not the sex store.

*And the best part was, not all of this was for me!

Labels: grocery shopping, sex store