09/03/2005: "A poll" Okay, Court of Public Opinion (quite different from "Court of Pubic Opinion", which is what I initially wrote), I have a Question for you. If you received a Wedding Invitation with the following phrase on it, and knowing that the invitation in question came from cenobyte et al, please indicate whether you would find said wording insulting, witty, in poor taste, or a good way of saying what there's no real good way of saying.

"The couple would prefer not to receive gifts. They are registered at the Bank of Montreal, if you would like to give them something."

P.S. BPM-IV, I asked around. Very few people know what "presentation preferred" means.

Okay sailors, weigh in!

"First Day"       "OH YUK"

P.S. Our corn is standing itself up again. Weird how it can do that.

9 Comments

Allan S. , on Saturday, 3rd September:

From you it only puts a smile on my face.

But what does this mean?

Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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RR , on Sunday, 4th September:

You are serious? It is in poor taste. It's not funny to say you don't want any presents but hint that you want money and which bank you prefer.
You and Mike are asking people to attend your wedding. Be more direct and more polite in requesting that people do not give you non-monetary gifts. Stating which bank you prefer is unneccesary since people will just give cash or a cheque (if they give you a gift on top of their attendance to your wedding). A brief explanation of the fact that your lives are full and your family doesn't need or want anything besides money to invest towards your home and children would be more appropriate.
Being funny about this topic, in particular, since it is a more unusual request, could confuse rather than inform your guests.
But at the end of the day, you two can do whatever the f--k you want.
There are more appropriate and gracious ways of phrasing this request. You are a writer. Work on it.
You asked for opinions. There's mine.

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An Heretic , on Sunday, 4th September:

Kate and I had our wedding about 1500 kilometers from our home. In our invites, we told everyone not to bother with gifts as a table of homewares would be pretty difficult to cart back. I can't remember the exact phrase, but we said something nice and cheesily weddinglike like 'your company is gift enough' (gag, choke; we're awful).

We ended up with a bucket of cash on the day. So I say whoever's sent you this invite is about as tasteless as camo pants with a pastel top.

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cenobyte , on Sunday, 4th September:

Uh, An Heretic, um, nobody's sent us this invite. We're trying to come up with how to word the "please don't bring gifts; just give us cash" bit on our invite.

Last night, I thought of: "The couple gratefully declines any gift larger than a card".

For the record, when we got engaged, I suggested driving to Vegas for a weekend, but "someone else" wanted a more traditional wedding.

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His Nibs , on Sunday, 4th September:

Hi kids. Long time reader, first time writer; I thought it was about time to put “finger to keyboard” and make an appearance on the CotU...in my own words that is…I’ve seen a lot of text “about” me…

Now, for the record:
a) I wanted a slightly more traditional wedding than the Rotating Elvis Chappell of Love mostly for OUR sake, including the kids, who I don't think would truly appreciate Vegas at this time;
b) I was being facetious when I quipped about the bank;
c) I think we should just leave the whole “registry” issue off of the invitation. Most people who would be invited to our wedding know that we have been together for a long time (read as "those kids don't need another toaster or chip-and-dip platter" ). If we do get things like that, fine, people took the time to think about us and pick up something that they though we would appreciate;
d) we are not doing this for the swag, we are inviting people that we care about and who we want to experience this with us (I know you all know that, but I wanted to say it);
e) CotU needs a splee chekr bekuz I cnat splee taht gud; and
f) I had a bunch of other things to say but someone has to vacuum the house and cut the lawn and tidy the kitchen and fold the laundry and do all of the other stuff I said I would do before I watch the Riders fall apart this afternoon. Go Green! (Note the lack of an "e" on the end of that statement)

Don’t you love technology? You can argue over the ‘net now, without even having to see the other person. I hate computers…I think they are the downfall of communication and discourse. Much like CBC radio, when people are requested to sound off about whatever the hot topic of the day is. Really, who cares what Doug from Dinsmore thinks about the solar sail...whatever happened to journalism? Educate the masses; don’t offload that responsibility to producers that can’t find enough “news” to fill the schedule…every time I hear the announcer say, “let us know what you think”, I turn the station. Great way to keep up the listener-ship numbers…

Cheers.

RR - rage on...I totally agree and only wish that you were closer to assist with my struggles on this matter...

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cenobyte , on Sunday, 4th September:

Also, just for the record, I *do* want money. I mean, yeah, the people we're inviting, for the most part, I want to come because they're important people in our lives and I want to share this day with them.

Rather than chip-and-dip platters and towels, that is.

We have towels
We have sheets
We have dishes
We have plenty of casserole dishes and knives (because our friends, like us, believe in 'regifting')
We have one chip-and-dip tray, and that's plenty (we've even used it on more than one occasion)
We have china
We have crystal
We have cutlery (and we like that none of it matches - I have another five bloody sets from me mum and me grandmum, so for the LOVE OF GOD, don't give us stuff)
We have books coming out of our ears
We have wine (that we don't usually drink unless there's "good company" - I don't drink wine (with all due credit to Bram Stoker), although His Nibs does. He even has a wine rack. Full of wine. That we don't drink. See above).
We have vases and decanters and pourers
We have glasses and wine glasses and all that jazz
We also have a mortgage and two cars to support, and two educations to save for, so rather than getting "stuff" that we don't need, we just want to encourage people that a) they don't *need* to give us anything but that if they insist (which some people do), b) we want money.

...I just got His Nibs' comment about there not being an 'e' on the end of Green...nice kid, not too bright, me.

Uh...please note, I'm not disagreeing with you all; I did ask for your opinion because I wanted to know what you think.

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coyote , on Tuesday, 6th September:

Well, this is quite an occasion. I'm with RR on this one. Do whatever the fuck you want. Oh, except I guess I'm not a big fan of hyphenated curses. Just like I'm not a big fan of decaffeinated coffee or dealcoholized beer.

I'm off topic, as usual. So... Back to your original question, cenobyte... I wouldn't be at all offended or confused if I got the above blurb on an invitation from YOU TWO. However, I am not certain if all of your would-be attendees would share my interpretation.

And, M. Nibs, 'tis refreshing to read a post of yours.

Don't worry about me. I won't buy you anything. Honest.

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BPM-IV , on Tuesday, 6th September:

Well, speaking as someone who received not 1, but *3* chip-and-dip trays (and used 1 once), I feel your pain.

But people seriously don't know the "presentation preferred" = "gimmee the cash, you basteeges!"?!?!

Wow...

I guess just putting "Cash, you basteeges!" on the invites might work. Seriously, though, I'd recommend just "The couple would prefer not to receive gifts." That should be enough of a knuckle-rapping to the chip-and-dip tay buying crowd. Be warned, though - there will be a few that will ignore such advice, even if *everyone* tells them to just give cash. These persons usually come equipped with purple hair and a walker, so it's tough to get to angry about it.

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cenobyte , on Wednesday, 7th September:

BPM-IV, those purple-haired people with walkers in my circle of friends are 'porbably' not the octegenarians you're invisioning. It's quite easy to get angry with over-the-hill ex-punks who've just made out like bandits at the old folks' home ("seriously, it's like taking candy from babies! You just run up to one of them, grab their smokes, and run off! I don't know what I'm going to use the walker for, but I'll think of something. " ).

I just feel like there must be a stronger statement than "we would prefer not to receive gifts", just to drive home the point.

"No gifts, just warm bodies and bums in seats - preferably the bums attached to the bodies in the places one would expect bums to be, and only one per body"? apologies - I've been re-reading the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy trilogy.

"Please curb your inexplicable urge to bring gifts."

"Guests bearing gifts will be shot."

This is getting easier.

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