centre of the universe - the dreaming: Another rant about breastfeeding

09/27/2005: "Another rant about breastfeeding" ...I know I shouldn't read those things. I know I'm just winding myself up. But I did it anyway. I read an article written by a lawyer about how insulted and disgusted she was when one of her clients started nursing 'right in front of her'. I read the reply from the breastfeeding mum. I read the reply-to-the-reply, which was terse, and rude (the lawyer made the comment that nursing in public is not constitutionally protected and that laws have been, will be, and should be, passed to ban it completely). She went on to say "I wish all of the people who spend their lives defending breast feeding would do something constructive, like attempting to provide nourishment for children who have very little."

I was *already* angry before I got to that last line - the 'post-script' to her comment (which was only about four lines long).

I'm really angry now. You know how I feel about nursing, and I'm sure you know how I feel about nursing in public. The lawyer's point was basically that she has the right 'to prevent someone from lifting up their shirt in [her] office, whatever the purpose'.

Okay. She has a point. In *her* office, *her* house, sure, she has the right to ask nursing mothers to feed their children somewhere else. She helpfully suggests the restroom (to which I've always suggested "I'll nurse baby there right after you eat *your* lunch there") or 'some other publically designated place'. I have been in people's homes and have asked if they're uncomfortable with my nursing. Sometimes the reply has been, "would you like somewhere quieter?", which I think is kind, and sometimes I take them up on it, especially if baby is tired or distracted. However, I did walk through most of a crappy retail chain store last weekend with The Nipper in his sling, having a good long snack at the 'buffet'. Not only did nobody notice, but The Nipper fell asleep.

Okay, what is my point here?

My point is that yes, okay, there are people who are uncomfortable around breastfeeding, although I will never understand why (people have tried to explain it to me, but it still makes no sense). For the most part, I figure that's their problem, not the mums'. When you're in their home or office though, it's not a *public place*, is it?

The other thing that got my ire up was that in this article, the lawyer-lady basically accused breastfeeding mums and activists of breastfeeding not because it's best for baby, but because they want the attention...."the problem with many nursing mothers [is] it's more about the image than about the child".

To this I replied, WTHF!!???

It boggles the mind. Really. Who nurses their babies because "it's the cool thing to do"!? We nurse our babies because that's what our booblies are for.

[sigh]

Boggles.

"New Duds" "The Well"

6 Comments

Ooblik , on Wednesday, 28th September:

I like booblies.

Ooblik , on Wednesday, 28th September:

ok, with respect to this:

"the problem with many nursing mothers [is] it's more about the image than about the child"

the nice lawyer is clearly lacking an understanding of babies. It's not a terribly complex thing really; they need to eat. Whoever she is, she's a little uptight, and lacking compassion for mom, and for the baby who is wholly dependant upon mom.

I'm ok with mom's breastfeeding in public. I'm also learning to be ok with being burped up on, with screaming children and barbies all over the floor. It's the way life is. ;)

Churchy LaFemme , on Wednesday, 28th September:

Ok, well I don't know how much of your questioning is rhettorical and how much is serious, but going along with the suggestion that some of this professed confusion is genuine, let me toss in my two cents wort.

People, don't think, I'm guessing, have a whole lot of problem with babies as rule. Or babies being nourished. Would the lawyer have been as up tight about whipping out a bottle for the infink? I think not.

So what we're left with is the fact that you can call them booblies or some other cutsie doo doo ga ga name if you want to, but the fact is that they are breasts that you are whipping out, either subtly or obviously. Breasts are sexual, okay. Does the fact that there is a small creature attached to a breast, obtaining life-sustaining nourishment make it any less sexual? No. You are, at some/several levels referencing sex when you are uncovering your breast to nurse your baby. And there are some people who are just not comfortable with that, with their sexuality, with sexuality in general. Whatever.

What do you do when you are confronted with a woman who is signalling the fact, deliberately or not, that she is a fertile, sexually active female by suckling a recently-born child? Do you look away and pretend not to notice? Do you make fierce non-quavering eye contact, just to prove to her and anyone else watching that you are NOT looking at her breasts? People don't know what to do, aren't sure whether they are unwillingly revealing something about themselves. Something that might be judged or criticized. Nothing makes us crazier.

This lawyer was a female, right? So maybe she was conflicted about her own breasts -- whether she'd ever have anyone, of any size, attached to her nipples. Whether she'd ever even want to have a child, or merely suffer for the rest of her life the judgement of others who think there must be something wrong with you if you are female and haven't given yourself over to your god-given right and god-obligated duty to procreate. It could make a person tense.

Personally, I think breast-feeding babies, wherever you happen to be when they happen to need feeding, is the only civilized thing to do. And if you're a publicly-nursing mother, you should be accepted/welcomed as the domestic goddess you are. And you, concomitantly, should be prepared for the rich panoply of human responses to what you are doing that is part and parcel of living a full/filling life in the real(ing) world.

cenobyte , on Thursday, 29th September:

Good point(s), Churchy.

I particularly, in my evil mindedness, enjoy the various stages of discomfort that some folks experience when faced with bared feeding breasts. For the most part, people are great and deal with their issues...er...themselves.

Smarty Pants , on Thursday, 29th September:

Perhaps lawyer lady just has issues with her own narrow views of liberated women? My own wife (who is a clerical professional) has run into MANY women who view domestic work and child-rearing as somehow being "old-fashioned", or "un-liberated", or whatever; basically suggesting that her desire to love and nurture a family makes her less of a woman and demeans all women everywhere. If lawyer lady thinks this way, is it hard to see her opposition to "public feedings"?
She probably thinks that people who support breast-feeding are mouth-breathing, backwards, hill-billy hippy types who all live in trailers.
Churchy - I agree 100%. Human females are the only female primate whose breasts don't shrink away to flat when not nursing. It is therefore assumed they serve some purpose in attracting mates, etc...making them "sexual" as you say.

Churchy LaFemme , on Thursday, 29th September:

(thus encouraged, s/he is inspired to rattle on)....
The other possibility is that this lawyer in question was indulging in a bit of sour grapes -- resenting the fact that she couldn't, for either external (can't afford it, can't find a partner she can stand, her peer group would abandon her) or internal (can't bring herself to let go of the career/money, does not have the right relationship with her body)reasons, see herself nursing a babe in arms. Someone else has what she really wants, but can't imagine herself getting to, and it's damn aggravating to have your nose rubbed in what you can't have.

Also, I don't know who started it, the porn industry or the LaLeche League, but just about everyone has heard how erotic it is to nurse, and some women even have orgasms feeding their babies! So when you see someone nursing in public, you don't know whether they're about to have a meltdown or what. "Get a room," you might say, even out loud.

This is the issue in extremis, to be sure, but I knew if I babbled on long enough, I'd get to what I was trying to say. Breast feeding is an erotic act, even if it isn't sexual. Some people are more comfortable with eros than others.

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