centre of the universe - the dreaming: Rules

10/03/2008: "Rules" Parenting Rule #1 - the red stuff is supposed to stay *inside* the skull. Dangling by one's knees on a jungle gym is not recommended if your mum has ever uttered the words: "ah crap. This is going to *really* hur...thud...ow."

Parenting Rule #2 - If the red stuff does 'ekscape' from your kids' head, it's best not to listen to a program on the radio, while you drive home to retrieve him from the child repository in the middle of the afternoon, that talks about how "you need to live every day the best you can, because you never know whether the person you've just seen walking out the door will every walk back in". That's just flipping cruel. CRUEL, radio folks. Cruel.

Parenting Rule #3 - When the kid says to you, "Mum. Stop that. They already did that to me *twice*" while you're checking to make sure his pupils are the same size and equally reactive, assessing the alignment of his neck, and conducting other concussion tests on him, you can probably feel pretty good that the school's First Responders are up to snuff.

Parenting Rule #4 - I can't say enough about this one: HealthLine 1-877-800-0002. Seriously. If you've got a health condition, and you're not *sure* whether it's serious enough to head off to the hospital (bleeding head wound is just an abrasion; no obvious signs of concussion, but some of shock, f'rinstance), the RNs who run this health line are, and please pardon my language here, Fucking Fantastic! Saskatchewan needs to promote this service waaaaaaaaaay more. Way more. The nurses can't diagnose you, because they aren't doctors, but they basically triage you over the phone, and they're very good, and very thorough, and very reassuring ("No, he doesn't need to come in to the hospital, but watch him for the following signs..." or even, in another example, "if the pain is that bad in your lower back, you should probably come in. If labour pain is a 7 and this is a 10, there's...probably something we should look at" rather than "JEEBUS CROW IN A TEACUP, WOMAN!! YOUR OVARIES ARE GOING TO EXPLODE IF YOU DON'T IMMEDIATELY DO A HEADSTAND AND DRINK FOUR CUPS OF PEPPERMINT TEA WHILE UPSIDE-DOWN, WEARING A TUTU!!!!". Actually, that last one woudl be cool, too).

I strongly suspect one of the reasons the province hasn't promoted this service more is that there might not be enough people to staff it? Anyhow, it's really good. I've used it twice now, and a good friend has used it at least once when their baby was wee and they didn't know if that particular gurgling/wiggling/sleeping pattern/not eating enough was something to be concerned about (it was; they good good advice and everyone got cared for in good time).

So. Yeah. HealthLine.

Oh, and the Captain is fine. A lump on his head and a shirt caked in blood; what more could a mother ask for?

"Of cabbages and kings" "Madness"

6 Comments

Coyote , on Friday, 3rd October:

I use that wonderful service frequently. Like durring my last sinus infection. I won't go into details but even the nurse was like 'EW!' It was HILARIOUS. :) But she steered me right.

brielle128 , on Friday, 3rd October:

I love the way you write. I can just hear you say these things, even though I have never heard your voice. In fact, I prefer to read this style of writing than university dry info crap I had to listen to while I was getting my degree. I seem to recall delving into deep sexual fantasy after about 15 minutes only to save my brain from withering and dying. (I find out late that this is a normal human response and in lectures after the magic 15 minute mark even the most celebate will do the same. Its true. I lear'nd it. lol. Maybe I should have attempted to pay closer attention. Would explain a great deal about my life choices.)
By no means am I saying you write dryly. The opposite is true. I don't say it enough so just know that I read your blog and laugh. A lot.
I digress.
I am so glad the wee one's melon is ok. Head trauma is such a fountain initially, but thats just doing its job. Popsicles and pudding cure most anything. Try it. It works.

Yer a good mommy. (not that you need me to tell you that)

melistress , on Friday, 3rd October:

Glad that the kidlet is ok and the red stuff is staying in his head now. The healthline? Awesome! As an anxiety sufferer I use it LOTS because otherwise I would be running to the hospital more than our province's healthcare budget can cover. Sometimes I haven't felt that it has been helpful but most other times, yeah, awesome. And then we get to stay home if that is what they advise.

Thunderhowl , on Monday, 6th October:

Mmmm....head-juice.
At least it's unlikely the Captain will try that particular stunt again...without trying harder to vary his landing from his head to his side or something.
I remember the last time I did a stoopid stunt on the playground. I was walking along the top of the monkey bars and slipped and fell off and landed on my side. And stopped breathing. For what felt like forever.
Reinforced my fear of heights something awful. Other than getting the wind knocked out of me, I was fine.
Good thing they make kids so sturdy, eh?
It's a good thing to know about Healthline, so thanks for the heads-up there. Are they a 24-hour service?

Coyote , on Monday, 6th October:

'HealthLine is a free, confidential 24-hour health advice telephone line, staffed by registered nurses. They can provide you with immediate, professional health advice or information, and direct you to the most appropriate source of care. HealthLine can help you decide whether you should treat your own symptoms, go to a clinic, wait to see your doctor, or go to a hospital emergency room.'

That's from the link Cenobyte put in the post. I realize you could have gone there yourself, but hey I'm feeling helpful. :)

Coyote , on Monday, 6th October:

Ooooh blood stained shirts! Yah that's a funny story.

So there I am prowling the night with a friend of mine, let's call him the C-Ape. (He loped along with his arms swinging like an ape while running fast, it was hilarious to watch, but dude was 6'4" and 275, so it further reinforced the ape image.) And what do we come across but a few people we casually know from the area, stopping cars and calling them on for fights. We're like whatever, and start to walk down the street, when two cars pull up and about 6 guys jump out.

We're like 'Hmmm?' and the biggest of their crew (Woulda been about 6' but skinny as a pole.) lunges at me and plants a big ole punch right to my nose. I'm like 'Oh, I felt that, is he wearing a ring?' I try to say 'Whoa hold on there,' cuz I'm not really a violent guy (And I think I was on probation at the time, that's another story) and he puts one hand on my neck to push me back (Which wasn't very successful, I was in grade 11, about 240, and built like a tank, oh yeah I'm only 5'10") and hauls off and cranks me again in the face! I'm like 'Knock it off!' and he stops, mainly due to how most of my fights start, which is that, they hit me for all their worth and I stare back with a kind of amused expression. It's apparently unsettling to someone when the person they're trying to beat up isn't at all co-operating by showing any signs of pain or discomfort.

So I feel wetness on my face, and I'm thinking 'Crap, I'm bleeding, if I get blood on this shirt my mom'll KILL ME!' So I lean forward. While buddy is still trying to hold me back. He goes backwards and I let the blood drip down my face and onto the sidewalk. Buddy drops his arm and just stands there, with his right fist still cocked (I see he does have a big ole school ring on his finger) and suddenly this hellishly shrill voice comes ringing into the night.

"What do you think you're doing! You stop it!" This is followed by a barage of explitives and insults aimmed at the numpty that hit me. Turns out it's his girlfriend and she's pissed!

My bud C-Ape is standing there staring down at a quartet of would-be attackers, who if they each stood on another's shoulders might be as tall as him (Ok so it's a bit of hyperbole, but they were SHORT, and scrawny) holding up one fist, and smirking. Cuz no one is stepping up.

Buddy's GF comes up to me and starts cooing over my bleeding face, pulling out tissues (Tissues from a gussied up girls purse smell like perfume, it's neat) and cleaning me up. It was kinda funny due to her running dialogue:

"Oh my god you're bleeding" turns head to BF "You fucking asshole! I swear I've had enough of your shit!" turns to me "Oh let me wipe that up, you got a bit on your shirt." (Damnit I think to myself, mom is gonna kill me) turns to BF "You're such a fucking idiot! Get a few drinks into you, and suddenly you're Rambo! These two could've killed you guys!" (Heh, she called him Rambo) Turns to me "Oh here, you've got some on your chin" turns to BF...

You get the drift. It was HIGH-LAR-EE-US. So after she cleans me up, and slaps her BF a few times and they get in their cars and drive away, all ashamed of themselves. I look up at C-Ape, blood on my shirt and face still and he says 'Your mom is gonna kill you for getting blood on your shirt.'

We laughed. So we decide to wander our way home, annoyed at these stupid nippleheads who got us into this, but amused at the situation as a whole.

I get home, my mom is sitting in the living room, in an armchair, back to the door. "You're home early, didn't go to the party?"

"Naw, we got sidetracked." C-Ape giggles, 275 pound guys shouldn't giggle.

Mom looks at me. She blinks, cuz apparently my nose is a bit swollen, possibly broken, and there's blood down the front of my shirt and face. She blinks, a slow confused blink, the kind you make when reality and previous knowledge decide to collide inside your brain. She stands up, tilts her head, cuz that might make it reconcile itself and says "What's the other guy look like?"

I laughed so hard my nose finally hurt.

Oh. And she made me pay her for the shirt. Stupid having a paper route and thus money for mom to take away.

distractions