centre of the universe - the dreaming: Premature ejaculation

10/14/2008: "Premature ejaculation" Really, I want to see how many hits that title brings in, only to have millions of readers with debilitating ED wander off unfulfilled, yet again.

It's the way the Canadian election went, and I'm not surprised. I don't know how many people wanted this election, and I don't know how many people wanted it now. Apparently just over half of Canadians actually care who runs their country. That's pretty bloody sad. Particularly because with this election, nothing changed.

That's not true. I'm being unfair. 16,000 (give or take) sad, frightened people in my riding voted for this doob. I want to shake each and every one of you. No, that's also unfair. I only really want to shake the 8,000 (or so) of you who voted for that doob instead of for anyone else. Even your Mom. You could have spoiled your ballots. You could have voted for the Green Party.

Hey, I understand that you think that Stephen Harper is the better leader. On some levels, I might be inclined to agree with you. At least he's not denying evolution or anything (or evilution, as the case may or may not be...FOSSILS, George, FOSSILS!). I understand that you believe that Steve the Preprogrammed (with Australian chat programs) Android is going to be stronger about the economy ("oh, you know what? I was just kidding about those $45 Million cuts to arts and culture. And the cuts to the Canadian Food Inspection Agency. At least, I was kidding during the election. Or something.") Maybe he'll be stronger defending Canada's north. Maybe he'll be like the Iron Giant, in that movie The Iron Giant, and he'll turn out to be a good guy in the end, if we can only just hang on until after the military decimates the rest of the country in the name of national safety.

Maybe you voted *against* any number of the other leaders. Maybe you spoiled your ballot. ((you see, this is probably why I will never actually be involved in politics. Because I won't deny I said these things. Because honestly, Canada, I'm Right Pissed Off.))

Yeah, you know what? To hell with the parenthetical comments. I'm angry with you, almost half of Canada. I'm *really* angry with you, half of Saskatchewan. Not because you voted for the doob (or didn't vote against him), but because you didn't even vote. You didn't even vote.

You know I hate popularity contests. But seriously. You're sending back to Parliament a man who ...oh hell. You know *exactly* what you're doing. And you know what? That makes it worse. You chose not to vote. You decided your vote wasn't important (one of the ridings in SK was decided by less than 300 votes, so I'm pretty sure your vote is important). You decided that you'd rather stay home and wank off rather than going to the polls. And here's the real kick in the arse: you could have done both!!

I know it was a difficult choice. The only choices you really had were among an android, a ragdoll hand puppet, a guy who would probably get more votes if he wore a mask and cape and leapt around shouting "Here in the bowels of the secret Party headquarters, I shall vindicate the downtrodden! The weak! The disenfranchised! The tie-less!", and a rather nice lady who, sadly, split the left. I know you really secretly wanted to vote for Gilles Duceppe, but you can't because he runs for a PROVINCIAL PARTY in a FEDERAL SYSTEM. I know that if the Friendly Giant had been on the ballot, anywhere in Canada, even though he's dead, you would have voted for him, because you know he knew what was right and good, even though he kept a weird humongous chicken held captive in a bag hanging from the wall in his castle, and talked to a blue and orange giraffe as if nothing was weird with that. You'd have voted for him because he's a freaking giant, after all, and not the tinny, robotic kind with dangerous flashing red eyes and nuclear warheads hidden in his fingers, but the kind who offers you a little tiny chair when you come over...the kind of giant who would show up in Russia or the US and say, "I'm a FREAKING GIANT! Go ahead and TRY to take over my tundra!"

I know, I know. If only the Friendly Giant would run for federal politics, he would be the best Pee Em the country has ever seen. Literally, bigger than Trudeau. I bet he'd pick his teeth with Trudeau's fancy birchbark canoe.

Oh, I appear to have lost the thread which was about to wind together my cleverly crafted narrative. You know why I lost that thread? Because you didn't vote. That's why. What's the *matter* with you?

Okay, okay. I'm being too harsh. It's because I'm upset that the doob got in again, and not even by a narrow margin. He got in with more than double the votes of the next 'viable' candidate. That's 8,000 (give or take) people who live roughly in the same area as me who think it's okay that the man who calls gay folks "unclean people with dirt under their fingernails who carry diseases" is going to represent us in Parliament. I can understand your wanting the Android in office, but it would have happened anyway, so really, you didn't need this guy.

Right. So. Disappointed doesn't really begin to cover it. Congratulations to Steven Harper, who succeeded in wasting an official Canadian Crapload of my money (that's about equal to .86 of a Yankee Crapload) effecting absolutely no change. Except wasting my money, of course. Great. That's....just great. At least he campaigned on "we're going to keep our promises", which, you know, he will, since he broke them all in the first place.

Honestly, if this "but he hit me back first" political atmosphere in my country doesn't change, I think I'm going to move. Or become some kind of guerilla insurrectionist.

"11 October 2008" "The real Thanksgiving"

23 Comments

Coyote , on Wednesday, 15th October:

Well.

Crazy idea time.

I'm fed up with the system myself so I'm tempted to try to do something really whacky. Now here's the deal tho. To do this you're going to have to give up your human rights. I don't mean that figuratively, I mean that literally.

See some time back in the 1930's a white guy (Related to a woman I worked with at the Casino) married a white woman and lived out on the reserve as that was where he worked. Now thing is back THEN if you were a woman who married a white guy you became 'enfranchised.' This meant you lost your status.

Now sometime later the Chief dies. Most of the leaders die. It was the depression, and if you were poor back then, you became dirt poor. If you were dirt poor, you starved, and if you were an Indian (Lower than starving) then you just died.

So the white guy says 'Hey, this is unfair, I live the lifestyle, I married an Indian woman, I want to help these people and lead them.' So he started a letter writing campaign to the Queen to become a Status Indian. He even showed up when ole' Vicky showed up here sometime around there, and you know what? She made an official Royal Decree MAKING HIM AN INDIAN! Isn't that wild?

So here's what we're gonna do. Fuck all these crackers and right wing fucknuts. We're gonna all move out to the reserve, and we're gonna start a letter writing campaign to become indians like me. And then we're gonna organize the other tribes all together (Cuz the government will listen to white looking folks) and declare our independence. Then we take back the whole country and start oppressing shitheads like Lekiwski.

Ok so the plan has a lot of holes. Like if we do this there's this clause in our Human Rights code that says that INAC can ignore it when making 'rules' for Indians (Like I said, give up your human rights) and we'll probably all get fucked even harder. But then this is where the guerilla insurrectionist movement comes in! GO BOMBS! WHOO!!!

Oh and ditto Cenobytes sentiments. You didn't vote? Fuck you, you stupid fucking cumbubble. And Steve? I ever get close enough I'm gonna get my money's worth for this election and kick you so hard in the junk the first Canadian craft in space will be your nuts. New satilite in the sky, the Harp-o-ball-craft. Better half of you ended up in your mother's ass.

senatorhung , on Wednesday, 15th October:

"this is probably why I will never actually be involved in politics"

uh, actually jb, just by posting this, you're 'involved' in politics, but i'm assuming you're referring to the process of running for elected office.

i understand your bitterness - i was disappointed with the election results, but not really surprised. i'm hoping that there is more stink about the ID rules tho - anyone who has moved recently (think hordes of students) or who doesn't even have a home probably found it difficult to jump thru the hoops to vote.

as for harper, i give him credit for being a smart politician, and knowing what his base will support. what's sad is that his base is apparently increasing - the question is whether this is due to support of his government's policies, or lack of support for the policies of the other guys (and gal). however, i am fearful about what the next government will do about the economic collapse that is looming, as well as the copyright bill that will likely be re-introduced. the fact that most of the cabinet was re-elected is not a good sign ...

Parmeisan , on Wednesday, 15th October:

Not true that nothing changed. So many newspapers and stuff are declaring that Harper failed to get what he wanted. Did he? Did he really? He said from the start that he'd end up with another minority. What he *wanted*, methinks, is exactly what he got: to weaken the Liberals, and to end up with a Parliament wherein he needs *any one party* to pass a vote.

This is good in that things can get done. This is bad in that bad things can get done.

And May... Elizabeth May, what *were* you thinking? I didn't know until last night that she had chosen to run against Peter McKay. Aaagh! She had a real chance to win the Green Party a seat. Just one seat. Almost be a real party, then. But noooooo, she thinks she can run against McKay. I'm not exactly the biggest Green Party fan, but it would have been nice to see them win a seat.

cenobyte , on Wednesday, 15th October:

Meh. I say nothing really changed. a *slightly bigger* minority government is still a minority government. The Liberals lost some seats; the NDP gained some, and the PQ is as strong as ever. Because Quebecers aren't ordinary Canadians who don't care about the arts.

This is no different from what we had before; in order to get anything done, the government *still* has to have support from at least two of the three opposing parties. Probably all three. AND every MP in the Conservative Caucus needs to vote along party lines (which I suspect won't be an issue, considering the brainwashing and reprogramming). But that hasn't changed, because even when the Liberals had more seats, they did fart all with them. They ABSTAINED FROM VOTING. They quit. They set the standard for the rest of Canada, and now they're whining that we had abysmal voter turnout.

"Hey pot! How's it going? My, aren't you looking dark these days!" out to be the new Liberal slogan.

brielle128 , on Wednesday, 15th October:

i can't speak what i really think because right now its not important...

but i want to state one thing. the liberal party was decimated by one man and one man only. i take that back...the liberal party allowed it to happen. dion was allowed to break down what took ao many years to build up.
my prediction? justin t. there will be come party leader...and under the eyes of the senior invisible party leaders, will become somewhat of a reasonable prime minister.

just my thoughts. i laughed so hard at your post...and the comments. i agreed in parts, but honestly. c3n0? why don't you write in a newspaper or something? get thee to 650 and get someone to listen to you. i bet you'd give old gormely a run for his money.

Jenn , on Wednesday, 15th October:

It took me about 22 seconds to vote. Maybe 30 seconds. I brought my 16 month old baby. I voted, and I was done. I don't understand how people can't be bothered to do the same. As I watched the vote coverage last night, I got angrier and angrier, until I had to turn off the T.V. and walk away.

Brielle, I just want to say AMEN. Justin T. will be the saviour of the Liberal party if they will have him, though I suspect he is too young for anyone to take him seriously yet. Which makes me sad. Our current politicians need to be put out to pasture, and a whole new generation of thinkers needs to take over.

melistress , on Wednesday, 15th October:

le sigh...

dare I suggest www.fairvote.ca ?

Jenn - Here Here on the current politicians being put out to pasture. Some Canadians have spoken, and what we have told our government is that we don't trust any one of them with a majority government.

Smarty Pants , on Wednesday, 15th October:

It does bother me greatly that good people took bullets so that apathetic, self-absorbed losers could sit on their arses with their tv remotes.
But...I guess that's "freedom" as well.
"I hate them all," they say. Fair enough. If you're "in a hole", don't just sit down there in the mud and be proud of how angry / apathetic you are. Climb out. It may take slow going, one muddy handful at a time...but get climbing.

brielle128 , on Wednesday, 15th October:

maybe...just maybe this horrific public widespread apathy will convince everyone that thier vote does indeed matter and maybe in the next election we'll see a far truer representation of this country.

i'll have my fingers crossed.

melistress , on Wednesday, 15th October:

Brie - I think that so long as we are in a First Past The Post system, voter apathy will only get worse. We need electoral reform before voters will have any gained confidence in the election system.

Grymm the pleasant , on Wednesday, 15th October:

You mentioned spoiling your ballot, which is a thing that I am surprisingly informed of in our system. Right now, a spoiled ballot is basically more harmful than not voting if you drive to the polling station, because they are considered identical to those tallying, and if you were to drive to the station, you would have wasted that much gas doing so. It is potentially another form of electoral reform that we could use (and are unlikely to get) where having conscientious non-confidence becomes potentially an option. Don't get me wrong, I personally would not use this option, but the lack of this tally, the true protest vote, is something that is annoying. Right now if we literally had the classic contest of a giant douche and a turd sandwich, we would need to elect one of them, as our system does not let us tell them that we truly want neither and to try again.

Jenn , on Wednesday, 15th October:

I agree with you, Melistress. As long as we have a system where the government has been decided before the polls are even closed in British Colombia, voter apathy is only going to get worse, especially in the West. Something needs to change, and soon.

Parmeisan , on Wednesday, 15th October:

I don't understand; how does he need two of them? With 143 seats, doesn't *any* of the other three big parties suffice to pass something?

turk182 , on Wednesday, 15th October:

I didn't vote and I won't vote. I am a public servant.

Deon , on Wednesday, 15th October:

People want a change in their choices of government. Given a choice between a rotten apple and a rotten orange still leaves you with rancid fruit.

Next time things will be ready.

Aelius , on Thursday, 16th October:

I didn't vote, and nor will I any time soon. Perhaps I'm bitter towards government, or jaded by the acts I see politicians perform. But I want not part in choosing which idiot I want to run things, either one will fudge things up just as badly.

So I have to say, why waste my time when I have no desire to voice my opinion. Its like being a vegetarian and going to a restaurant that only serves chicken or beef for dinner... why would I ever go to that restaurant.

Deon , on Thursday, 16th October:

Considering every vote towards a major political party increases their budget, a low voter turnout does have an impact. Canadian taxpayers will save roughly $1.7 million a year that will not be going towards the political parties.

Now the half-empty... the election probably cost us nearly $300 million.

cenobyte , on Thursday, 16th October:

How much is that *per person*?

Better yet, how much is that per taxpaying person?

Coyote , on Thursday, 16th October:

So because I'm a nut for these things (And one of my research projects had to fiddling with census data) I went and looked.

Only 5 and a half million people are under the age of 15 in Canada. That's out of a total that's about 31.5 million. So that means there's about 26 million people that 'potentially' pay taxes.

So let's do some math. 300 million divided by 26 million taxpayers. Go get a calculator Ceno, I'll wait... *taps foot*

That's about $11.50 a person.

Now if you wanna go look at the figures yourself: http://www12.statcan.ca/english/census06/data/highlights/agesex/pages/Page.cfm?Lang=E&Geo=PR&Code=01&Table=1&Data=Count&Sex=1&StartRec=1&Sort=2&Display=Page

That's the link for age and sex tables for Canada's population.

Now those figures can slide around depending on how we want to define all that mumbojumbo. But that's like a rough estimate.

Enjoy!

Coyote , on Thursday, 16th October:

I just realized the first few lines of my first story don't make sense. It was a white guy marrying an INDIAN woman. Gah, I shouldn't post without an editor.

cenobyte , on Thursday, 16th October:

Worst twelve bucks I ever spent in my life.

Electric Maenad , on Saturday, 18th October:

Tell me about it. There wasn't even a car chase.

Smarty Pants , on Monday, 20th October:

No, but there was one, big, car *wreck*.

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