10/22/2008: "Book burning alive and well in the Bible Belt of the North" The first time someone said to me, "you know, Saskatchewan is the Bible Belt of the North; you're like Arkansas, you gappers", I laughed. That's ridiculous. Bible belt of the North. Arkansas.

Is it?

Here is an article from the Moose Jaw Times Herald that talks about the nominees for the Saskatchewan Book Awards. The article itself is fine, but I'd like to draw your attention to the first comment, by "June from SK". Now, everyone is entitled to their own backwards opinions, and I'm certainly not one to say June from SK can't speak her mind. In fact, I encourage June from SK to speak her mind. That is a right she has under the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

It is also a right I enjoy.

(rant to follow; click "link")

"Today is Tuesday"       "Rollin' rollin' rollin'...."

You know what speaks VOLUMES about the "literary tastes" of people in this province? I'll tell you. Advocating burning books because you don't like the subject matter. That says a LOT. You know, I heard they did that in Alexandria. Not sure how that turned out for the people who wanted to suppress early accounts of the scientific method, but I'm fairly certain it was a huge loss for all the peoples of the world. No telling what kind of historical documents we might have had access to...or, in fact, Apocrypha from religious texts from all over the world. I guess if God didn't want it burned down, He would have sent a cavalry of water-bearing nymphs down from the heavens to extinguish it.

What speaks volumes about the "literary tastes" of people in this province is the notion that ideas are dangrous...so dangerous in fact that they must be destroyed.

What speaks volumes about the "literary tastes" of people in this province is the disgust, fear, and horror with which they face a written account of nakedness, or sexual acts, or love. God Forbid Gary Hyland should write smut. Or Shakespeare. Or Carl Sandburg. Or God.

Not to mention that June from SK doesn't know that it wasn't even the "literary tastes" of people in this province that picked these books for the shortlist. It was the smutty, filthy literary tastes of people in other provinces. They're all heathens and heretics. We should burn them, too.

In fact, you know what offends me? Misplaced apostrophes. Maybe I should "grab my torch and pitchfork" and start burning everything I see with errant apostrophes hanging around, sticking their pokey little appendages where they don't belong. It's the equivalent of grammatical rape, after all, isn't it? And nobody likes rape. Not even all those hyper-active religious zealots who claim that it's a sin to enjoy sex, thus implying that rape (mutual rape between two consenting adults; the spiritual rape that is coitus) is only okay when used to further the dogma. So, yeah. The blatant acts of rape that misplaced apostrophes commit offends me. You can call me 'the torch' from now on.

And while I'm at it, maybe *I* will light *my* BBQ with all the goddamned pamphlets that are sent out by politicians whose viewpoints I don't agree with, and whose policies are just one hop, skip, and a jump away from smut. I mean, if my MP can call an entire demographic of Canadian citizens a bunch of "homosexual faggots with dirt under their fingernails that transmit diseases" while calling himself (and I won't censor this one) "Fucking-A". That's smut. That's REALLY smutty. But the political tastes of people in this province have re-elected him. Huh.

Gary Hyland, in case you don't know about him, is one of the founders of the Festival of Words. He taught high school for many years in Moose Jaw, and has inspired hundreds of young writers to continue with their work. He is a mentor, a teacher, an inspiration, and a hell of a writer. His work is well respected across all of Canada as some of our best literary writing. By people whose literary tastes do not include burning books. In fact, I have friends who went to Seminary, some of whom are now priests, who dearly love Hyland's poetry. And I have some friends who don't like his writing. I have some friends who run from poetry like cats running from the ironing board. But they don't light their BBQs with books.

THEY USE MATCHES

Using books to light BBQs is not only unsafe (the dyes and inks in the paper can confuse you, and the smoke causes irritation of mucous membranes), but it releases fare more CO2 into the atmosphere than using a lighter, or a match. When you burn books, you hurt the environment. You contribute to climate change.

Please, for the love of God, don't use books to light your BBQ.

7 Comments

Der Kaptin , on Wednesday, 22nd October:

You think the fire at the Library in Alexandria was ARSON? Holy crap. The universe is less random and more unfriendly than I ever imagined.

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Woz , on Wednesday, 22nd October:

His stuff isn't bad. Hope he doesn't get grants' though.

;-)

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Coyote , on Wednesday, 22nd October:

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

Ceno, you get the fertilizer, I'll get the diesel fuel. It's time to show people how to light a building. LezDoDisTing.

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melistress , on Thursday, 23rd October:

Before I begin, allow me to state that I am totally against book burning of any form, regardless of how much I hate the book.

That being said, I'm going to play a slight bit of devil's advocate here. If you support freedom of expression and freedom of speach, is not the burning of books an expression of what these people believe to be true? If you support the writing of whatever you want, should you not also agree that these people are expressing themselves, within the confines of laws in Canada, by burning these books?

Freedom of expression can be such a double edged sword.

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cenobyte , on Thursday, 23rd October:

Yes, I support your right to express yourself in whatever way you see fit. And, I am vehemently opposed to burning books.

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the_iron_troll , on Friday, 24th October:

If people are stupid enough to burn books that THEY PAID FOR, I will stand back and let them (assuming they aren't some rich fuck trying to purchase and then burn some literary treasure being mistakenly sold, or something else equally unlikely).

I will not interfere. And I will never associate with them ever again. I will spread the story of the kind of lousy person they are to all the world. And hopefully, the children of this tower of stupidity will realize how retarded their parent truly is, and their idiocy will die with them.

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NQQv2.0 , on Friday, 31st October:

The burning of the Library at Alexandria was probably an accident that occured when Caesar, doing battle with Pompeii's forces, set some ships on fire that resulted in the burning down of much of the city, including the Library.

Of course, considering how the ancients wrote history, it COULD have been arson.

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