tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:04:46 +0000http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/noreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)Blogger301125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-203341560847017904Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:43:00 +00002010-03-04T08:43:19.552-06:00Gag writer defends campy closing ceremonyFirst, go read that article by Valerie Fortney of the Calgary Herald. For the record, I've no idea if she lives in Calgary South (thereby being responsible for homophobic tool Jason Kenney being elected MP). Also, that last sentence has absolutely nothing to do with the article. Or with this post. Now, I didn't watch the opening ceremonies of the Olympics.http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/03/really-critics.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-6407821425980807961Wed, 03 Mar 2010 14:25:00 +00002010-03-03T08:25:06.552-06:00We haven't much to tell you these days. I could talk about the streaker at city hall in the Queen's City, but that's already been done. I could tell you about how Canadian Members of Parliament are finally going back to work (lousy shirkers). I could talk about how miffed I am that 'feminist' is used as an insult. But, I've gone through all of these things before. So, I'll pose a question to http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/03/its-just-that.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-1852530109137442766Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:40:00 +00002010-03-01T13:43:52.533-06:00living in a treeButton TheorystringsHis NibsI love you all. You know that, because I tell you all the time. Buddy Holly, you were my first boyfriend. Coincidentally, you were also my first dead boyfriend. You know what? I'm not going to harp on little imperfections like not having a pulse. What can I say to you, Johnny Depp? Oh! A little lower, please. Gary Oldman, I never wanted to have to do this, but...it's just not working out. I http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/03/to-my-boyfriends.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-3977990654511905098Sat, 27 Feb 2010 18:58:00 +00002010-02-27T15:15:06.410-06:00fuglyadvicestyleFor instance, when oiling your hardwood floors, it is *much* better (and faster, actually) to just get down on your hands and knees and do it yourself by hand, rather than trying to use fancy "time and energy saving" products and machines. And mineral oil is still best. If you could change a woman's hair from grey to brilliant shining blonde with natural streaks just by rubbing some mineral oil http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/old-often-means-better-psa.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-9108611056686144671Wed, 24 Feb 2010 21:12:00 +00002010-02-24T21:11:08.383-06:00There's a post I made about spandex and tube tops that's in the February archives, but it doesn't appear on the main page. Blogger, you have frustrated me for the (very possibly close to the) LAST TIME! **UPDATE** Right. THAT was incredibly stupid. But. You say, 'she broken', I say 'I fixy her'.http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/doubleyou-tee-eff.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-2290269492040186689Wed, 24 Feb 2010 17:05:00 +00002010-02-24T15:01:06.762-06:00Mr. DressupadvicestyleLadies, let's sit and have a little chat, shall we? Some of you need an intervention. Some of you needed an intervention when you were still under the age of ten. I'm sure some of you won't pay attention to this intervention, but really, trust me: it's for your own good, and for the good of the whole world. Bodies come in many shapes and sizes. As long as you are *healthy*, it doesn't really http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/style-1_24.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-6944714497400367061Wed, 24 Feb 2010 03:51:00 +00002010-02-23T21:51:09.951-06:00piss in your eyevacationSo then there was the 45 minute wait *just to check in*. Wherein the hotel peoples did a bunch of stuff so idiotic it makes my eyeballs scratchy just thinking about. There was the 'I need a credit card number on file for any incidental charges' which was bloody ridiculous, and then the whole "I don't care WHAT the airline told you - you can't use those food vouchers for room service..." And me http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/stuck-in-middle-again-again.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-832087772761977709Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:05:00 +00002010-02-21T10:05:01.391-06:00piss in your eyevacationWell, apparently the post-by-phone option I tried whilst stuck in the Phoenix airport for three and a half EXTRA hours yesterday (never mind the three hours early that one has to be because some kook likes C4 enemas) did not work. It featured some photos of our incredibly patient children, postulating that perhaps the reason our airplane was delayed (mysteriously, I might add) by three and a http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/stuck-in-middle-again.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-2422551117556023184Sat, 20 Feb 2010 02:16:00 +00002010-02-19T20:16:31.241-06:00PicturesHis NibsMore Chins Than A Chinese Phone BookChristmasWe were looking at photos as we burned them to disc for the in-laws. This is something we do once or twice a year, because we are nerds. And by 'we', I mean "me". This photo, taken, as you can see, on ExMass morning, shows His Nibs, at approximately fifteen years of age, being ...erm... well, I'm not sure what's happening with the hag on his left, but this is how my mother-in-law summed up the http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/why-i-love-my-inlaws.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-1061826496120711473Fri, 19 Feb 2010 03:31:00 +00002010-02-18T21:31:25.323-06:00YankeesYankees talk about two things: 1) Restaurants 2) Food Check that. *Retired* Yankees talk about either Restaurants or Food. Every single person I've eavesdropped on (and there have been many, many, ma-hany opportunities for me to eavesdrop - at the gym in the morning, at the pool in the morning, um....in the yard...er...on the teevee....) has asked or commented : "You know where's a good place http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/another-thing-i-learned.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-2420459966753612570Tue, 16 Feb 2010 00:31:00 +00002010-02-15T18:37:15.451-06:00bodiesample chestvacationNobody at the RENAISSANCE FAIRE told me I'm too fat to ride a horse. In fact, on the PIRATE SHIP RIDE, my VAST AMOUNT OF GIRL POWER (and upper body strength) made our pirate ship go WAY HIGHER than the guy next to us's pirate ship. I kept looking over at the dad in the next ship over, and saying: "DUDE! YOU'RE GETTING BEATEN BY A **GIRL**!!!", and his son, who was Lord High Dink of Dinkus http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/everything-old-is-new-again.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-4926336332200624833Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:00:00 +00002010-02-13T18:00:41.975-06:00piss in your eyeYou don't want to read about our travelling and vacationing. I know this 'for a fact' (as The Nipper would say). So I'm only going to tell you about the things that ...stick out... Today we went to a gold mine/ghost town/tourist cash sink. They had train rides and carriage rides and a main-street shootout and trail rides. While the Family was off scouting how much train rides were and when they http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/gold-mine.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-4485871474138549319Fri, 12 Feb 2010 04:54:00 +00002010-02-11T23:00:41.296-06:00grammareducationdarknessjust wrong"Myself" is a bit like a dildo. WHOA, CENOBYTE!!! THAT'S TOTALLY TMI!!! No, seriously. Stay with me here. I'm'a get back to that. As I pointed out to Viper Pilot in one of the comments down there, formal English (Smarty Pants, we'll save the 'but that's how people talk' discussion for later, because you know my opinion on doing things a) simply because everyone else is doing them, and http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/why-you-should-never-ever-use-word.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-4045846761888437722Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:17:00 +00002010-02-09T13:17:16.175-06:00grammarBecause TUO brought it up: Lay or Lie? Lay means "to place something down." It is something you do to something else. It is a transitive verb. Incorrect: Lie the book on the table. Correct: Lay the book on the table. (It is being done to something else.) Lie means "to recline" or "be placed." It does not act on anything or anyone else. It is an intransitive verb. Incorrect: Lay down http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/because-tuo-brought-it-up-lay-or-lie.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-8031982445142847030Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:56:00 +00002010-02-10T12:58:00.575-06:00spellinggrammarBad MojorantsKarl Marx is the author of a very famous quote. More the the point, many people know a small portion of the quote. The part you'll remember is: "Religion is the opium of the people". Some folks use this as an argument against organised religion, when what Marx was trying to say with that teeny tiny passage from a much, much larger idea has more to do with economic and political stresses. Marx washttp://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/something-is-something-of-someone.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-2143166561382288762Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:17:00 +00002010-02-06T21:17:50.205-06:00rantsOur national anthem. "O Canada", in case you'd forgotten. It's supposed to be a MARCH. That means cut time (or, for the un-musically trained, one-half of common time, otherwise known as four-four time). NOBODY does it right. They're all, "Oh, Canada. It's a freakin' DIRGE, man. A DIRGE. It's like, a funeral song for all those dead British white guys." Except for this one guy who just sang it. http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/its-march-people-march.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-5506899318662612132Sat, 06 Feb 2010 06:40:00 +00002010-02-06T00:40:08.955-06:00dreamsThe SandwichBecause now that it's officially Saturday, last night is actually Friday night, and I really mean Thursday night. Anyway, you know how I have really vivid dreams? And you know how I often remember my dreams? And you know how sometimes when I tell you about my dreams, you don't know if they're real stories or not? Last night (and remember, I mean THURSDAY night) I dreamt, in vivid detail, about.http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/and-by-last-night-really-i-mean-night.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-8136654093627952682Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:40:00 +00002010-02-03T20:47:29.249-06:00farmDabreaks my heartMy father's had a number of offers on his land. Some of them, he says, have been made by folks with pretty deep pockets. My father is in his early sixties. He's talked about retirement on and off for a couple of years. Once, when I asked my mother why Da didn't just quit farming and come home to teach, she sighed and said, "because there's something about the land that won't let him go. And he http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/legacy.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-7300467054595112020Tue, 02 Feb 2010 17:58:00 +00002010-02-02T11:58:22.168-06:00Bad MojoexerciseYou know what's screwed up? What's screwed up is when you decide that enough is enough, it's time to DO something with yourself, and you start working out every morning, and your body starts doing effed up things. That's screwy. And by 'effed up things', I mean gaining a pound a day. One may have discussed this very thing with Neo and with SWC, but none of what they have said is a) news, or bhttp://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/02/what-else-is-left.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-6369726458637698600Fri, 29 Jan 2010 23:49:00 +00002010-01-29T17:49:46.182-06:00rantsHowever, I'm going to say them. This summer, I let a lady do an "Angel Card" reading for me. First, let's just assume that you know, and that I know, I have a tendency at times to be a bit of a fruitcake. Second, whatever your thoughts on the accuracy of tarot, I Ching, scrying, automatic writing, dream travel, and/or organised religion, let me just say that I do try (at times) to be http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/01/some-things-are-better-left-unsaid.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-8283983847907513966Mon, 25 Jan 2010 19:07:00 +00002010-01-25T13:07:50.542-06:00prorogueCanadian politicsSo everyone's up in arms about our Prime Minister proroguing government three times in two years. Folks're saying it's anti-democratic (it isn't; it's a function of parliamentary democracy). They're saying it's fascist (it's not. There's nothing radical about Stephen Harper, and although he does try *very* hard to be authoritarian (it's kind of cute, sometimes) and to try to capitulate to http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/01/and-another-thing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-3645651971752916582Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:22:00 +00002010-01-25T10:22:06.938-06:00Bad MojoWith all due kudos to Lemony Snicket...some people say "bad things come in threes". My grandmother used to say, "That's Bee Ess. Bad things drop down on your head out of trees. That's what people OUGHT to say." *I* say, all you need to do to Wreck a Day is do something really bloody stupid, then insist on continuing to do something really bloody stupid, then break my french press. Then do http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/01/series-of-unfortunate-events.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-5279070527080339541Fri, 22 Jan 2010 18:27:00 +00002010-01-22T13:01:03.662-06:00dreamsSometimes, dreams are dreams. Usually they mean something. Often, they mean something quite powerful - if not about the Universe Around You, then certainly about the Universe Within You. You know by now that my dreams are always extremely vivid, and are very often incredibly brilliant. Just like me*. Last night, I dreamt I was sitting on the Blue Couch, in my "nest" (the corner of the couch I http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/01/sweet-dreams-are-made-of-this.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-5737549511420243211Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:22:00 +00002010-01-20T11:22:12.770-06:00piss in your eyeBad MojoHere's a big shout out to all the astrologers and psychics out there: HEY! WHAT'S GOING ON!!?? No, seriously. Really. Is it me? It's the whole universe, isn't it? I'm pretty sure that's what it is. It's like all the passive aggressive mojo in the universe is focussed directly on *my* mojo, and, frankly, that's upsetting my mojo. My mojo is not pleased. And it's a Bad Idea to make my mojo angryhttp://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/01/when-boat-rocks-even-though-youre.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5303009603997135534.post-191180811727452233Sun, 17 Jan 2010 19:07:00 +00002010-01-17T13:12:58.827-06:00World Trade Centrecrossing the lineSoPPNMOTTThe American homeland security folks (National Bouncers, if you will) are a mite testy (and understandably so) after the schmo with the exploding underpants failed to keep his drawers dry enough to *use* his Go-Go-Gadget-Gotch. There are increased screenings, reductions in permissable carry-on items (books are no longer banned from flights, apparently), and mandatory pat-downs for anyone who may http://www.cenobyte.ca/words/2010/01/truth-is.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (cenobyte)5